Four Important Things ALL Kids Need (at any age)

Photo courtesy of Alyshia Bilokraly

"If you want to change the world, go home and love your family."  ~ Mother Teresa

I can remember it vividly like it was yesterday. After a very difficult labor, emergency C-section and a week in the hospital, I was deemed “ready” to be released into the world of full-time motherhood. Terrified, my husband and I looked at each other as I was being discharged from the hospital thinking - how are they even letting us leave with our son? Don’t they see that we are nowhere near “ready?”

We didn't have the first clue about what we were doing, and we were so terribly nervous. Plagued by insecurities and fears, we had no choice but to meet this challenge head on. From here on out, we had a precious little guy counting on us for absolutely everything. We had to STEP UP. 

I cannot lie. It was a tremendous learning curve, and it wasn’t easy, but Tyler survived and so has Shannon even though we had so much to learn and still do about this crazy rollercoaster ride called parenthood.

I do not claim to have all the answers, yet through the highs and lows of this learning adventure, I have found four key things that all kids need to thrive and be successful.

Somehow, I wish someone had enlightened me on this a bit sooner, yet looking at our kids today, I guess Phil and I didn’t do too bad at this parenting thing.

Before we proceed, it is my pleasure to introduce you to Tyler and Shannon.

My son Tyler and I. Tyler is 28 and soon completing his PhD in Political Science from the University of Western Ontario. Like me, Ty has a passion for writing. He is a brilliant researcher, a dedicated scholar and already creating a name for himself in the academic field.

My daughter Shannon and I. Shannon is 26 and works as a full-time occasional teacher with the Greater Essex County District School Board which is my employer as well. Shan is passionate, and committed to her goal of making a difference in the world of tiny humans.

Attention

Photo courtesy of Alyshia Bilokraly

---

The first important thing that all kids need is attention. When they are babies, they obviously need constant attention to their every need, yet as they grow, they become more independent.

Although they are more independent, they still need our attention, just in different ways. They want to feel that they matter and that we can put aside our busy agendas and focus on just them. It is crucial to carve out quality time with them. This time involves putting them at the forefront, so we can nurture our relationships further and let them know they are our priority.

Years ago, I saw a TV commercial where a mom was headed to the beach with her family, and she got an "important" phone call. She then explained to her disappointed family that she would not be joining them, as she had to meet with a client instead. At the height of frustration, her three-year-old daughter said “Mom, when do I get to be a client?” Yikes!

​We all have busy lives. Work, stress and other obligations can dominate a lot of our time, yet I cannot tell you how critical it is to make time for your kids and their interests.  This emphasizes to them how much they matter to you. 

Affection

Photo courtesy of Alyshia Bilokraly

The next important thing kids need is affection. Kids not only need to be shown affection through such things as meaningful touch, acts of service, or receiving gifts, but they need to hear how much we love them from our lips often. 

Just like with our spouse, it is not enough to think that our kids already know we love them, we need to tell them as well. The time they often most need to hear it too is when they have acted out, disobeyed or caused stress in the family. They need to know that our love for them is unconditional, and we will stand by them.

My mom used to have a little gesture she would do with us that involved hand squeezing. She would often grab our hands lovingly and give them three squeezes standing for “I - love - you.” It was a creative way of showing love and I have done this with my kids as well. They too now have continued this gesture with the special people in their lives. 

Affirmation

Photo courtesy of Alyshia Bilokraly

Children need affirmation. They need to hear what it is about them that makes you crazy about them and why you appreciate them. Compliment your children often. Let them know that you are extremely proud of them and proud to call them your son or daughter.
​
Recognize when they have used good judgment. Compliment their manners. Encourage them when they are discouraged. Help them see that mistakes in life are great learning opportunities, and you believe they have the skills to be successful in life. Let them know that they can come to you with ANYTHING and there is NO problem too big that you cannot solve together. 

Knowing that others believe in them is so crucial. It is often the very thing kids need to step out of the boat and take a risk. Children need to know we are in their corner and we are ready to cheer them on as their biggest fan and cheerleader.

Acceptance

Photo courtesy of Alyshia Bilokraly

Finally, kids need unconditional acceptance. They need to know that we love them just because of who they are, not because of anything they have or have not done. In my work as a clinical social worker, I have counselled many adults who were still carrying scars from their childhood regarding acceptance issues. As kids and even into adulthood, many were constantly trying to win the approval of their parents, yet sadly always felt they fell short. 
​
When kids know they are accepted as they are, mistakes and all, they will feel free to come to us when they fail or desire some much needed advice. Kids need to know in no uncertain terms that there is NOTHING that could make us love them any less or any more. They are loved and accepted as they are, simply because they are ours.

God is the ultimate parent. He is our heavenly father. He exemplifies all these attributes with perfection. He is ready and available to empower us with his love, grace and patience to be the best parent we can be for our children. We just need to ask.

You may be reading this and be feeling quite confident. You may feel like despite some mistakes along the way, you have done quite well in these areas of parenting. If that is you, that is wonderful. I applaud you and please keep up the great work.

On the contrary, you may read this and feel defeated.  Upon reflection, you may see your parenting skills need improvement. No judgement here.  If you are feeling this way, please know there are no perfect parents out there and we all can do better in this area.

It is never too late to start over with your children and to strive to be a better parent. Admitting our mistakes to our children and setting goals to do better is very liberating. Change is possible and very worthwhile. Our children and our relationships with them are one of God’s most precious gifts he has given us.

So let's agree together to give our children the attention, affection, affirmation and acceptance they need and so deserve. Trust me, you will not regret it and there truly is no greater investment.
 
From one parent to another, 
~ Dana 
 
Proverbs 22:6: Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it. 
 
Little Lesson Learned: Being the best parent, you can be is one of the best goals you can set in life. 

My Joy Givers: Tyler and Shannon. You have my heart forever. Love you to the moon and back.

Author

Dana Romualdi is a Canadian elementary teacher, social worker, blogger, author, motivational speaker. She has a passion for helping others and spreading much-needed encouragement. She lives in Canada with her husband and two grown children. When she is not working in the classroom or blogging, she enjoys drinking coffee, watching Netflix and reading great books.

Tags: parenting, parenting skills, Mother's Day, parents, affection, affirmation, acceptance, attention

Copyright: © 2024 littlelessonslearnedbydana, 2nd edition, 2014 first edition ​