Three Keys to Experiencing the Freedom of Forgiveness

Photo by Nerene Grobler on Unsplash

“Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness.”  
~ Corrie Ten Boom 

In we came, dressed in our Sunday best, rocking it out and singing to the very best of our ability the hit song of the day, I’m Forgiven by Christian recording artists, The Imperials. Our group, a youth choir, was called The Soul Survivors and to say that we thought we were “all that” was certainly an understatement. Were we the best singers? Certainly not, but what our group lacked in talent, we sure made up for in confidence and enthusiasm! We even had a “back-up tape” which was a true novelty back then of this latest Christian hit, and we were ready to share the good news! I actually saw the Imperials twice in concert and it was truly memorable and meaningful. I have included I’m Forgiven at the end of this blog for your listening pleasure. Perhaps it will take some of you down memory lane like it did for me. So, I’m Forgiven! What a powerful song title. What a powerful concept.  

This week in our class Morning Meeting, we discussed the topic of forgiveness. I love these teachable moments, when I can impart some nugget of wisdom to my students on ways to improve their lives using practical tools that will empower them. As our discussion progressed, members of the class were divided on how forgiveness should and should not work. One friend thought in a mutually hurtful situation, that if you forgive someone who has hurt you, then he or she MUST forgive you too because that just wouldn’t be “fair.” As I was gearing up to respond, another very wise little friend said “Guys, you don’t GIVE forgiveness to GET forgiveness, you give forgiveness for your own PEACE. “I couldn’t have said it better myself, and had me thinking, "Are you eight years old or twenty-eight years old, because your mature response just blew me away!"​

Photo by Pixabay

Key Number One: Forgiving Others

Piggybacking on what he said, I shared with them an effective illustration that I have used in my addictions therapy groups I used to lead as a clinicial social worker. I called it the handcuffs illustration and it is a powerful little skit I would act out to explain what happens to you when you refuse to forgive someone.

​I explained with the help of a sweet volunteer that if I refused to forgive her it was like her, and I were handcuffed together 24/7. In the past, I had a pair of Dollar store handcuffs from the Halloween display to improve this illustration, but the kids seemed to get what I was trying to say regardless. I explained that she may not even know I am upset with her, yet we go everywhere together because my bitterness and refusal to forgive keeps me chained to her. The only way to separate us is to use the key called forgiveness and break that toxic bond between us. Whether that person deserves it or not, by doing that, we are liberated, and we have given ourselves the gift of freedom.  

The fact that forgiving someone is extremely difficult or seemingly impossible at times is certainly not lost on me. Some of us have experienced heart-breaking scenarios and severe mistreatment at the hands of others and I am in no way minimizing your pain. Forgiveness takes time and readiness and can be a very complicated process.

I recall watching an episode of the Dr. Phil show where the featured guest was detailing years of terrible abuse at the hands of her parents and emphasized how she could not and would not ever forgive them. Dr. Phil then asked “So where are your parents now?" “She quickly replied “They are both deceased.” Dr. Phil, then said something I will never forget. He said “So they are both gone, and you are STILL refusing to forgive them? Truth be told, you are not hurting them; you are only hurting YOURSELF 100%. You gave them your past. How much more of your present life are you going to allow them to have?” Wow! It was like an "Ah-ha" moment for her, yet she still said amongst her tears, “But Dr. Phil, You don't understand! They don’t deserve my forgiveness!” Dr. Phil replied “You are right. They don’t. I agree, but YOU need to do this to move forward.” So true. 
(Ephesians 4:32 ESV : Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.) 

Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash

Key Number Two: Forgiving Yourself

Sometimes the one we need to forgive is ourselves. We can be so hard on ourselves when we make a mistake. We can truly be our worst enemy. 

I remember a client sharing with me that if I really knew all she had done, there would be no way I would even spend another minute with her. She was in her words “despicable, unforgiveable, and beyond hope.” She even said "I know that God could forgive you, but He could never forgive me. I am too far gone.” Her self description broke my heart. There is NOONE who is despicable, unforgiveable and beyond hope, but she couldn't see it. As I probed a bit further and encouraged her to tell her story, her tears freely flowed as she shared about years of abuse, addiction and a criminal past. She kept looking at the door, expecting me to open it and send her off, but instead I stayed glued to her every word. She was literally stunned!

​I shared that there is nothing that she could do that is unforgiveable in God’s eyes. He offers His forgiveness to all. It was a lot for her to process, and things took time, but a beautiful journey of self-forgiveness and eventually God’s forgiveness was set in motion that day. 

Key Number Three: Experiencing God's Forgiveness

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

My Grampa Sudds (my Mom's dad), used to say there are only two kinds of people in this world: sinners and sinners saved by grace. I couldn’t agree more. In the beginning we are the same. We are all born in sin, and we are ALL sinners.

We all also have free will. The only thing that truly sets us apart from one another in the end, is that some of us have accepted God’s free gift of salvation which gives us complete forgiveness. Due to this, we are now enjoying a life free of guilt and shame and we can live free from condemnation every day.

It is not about being a good person, trying to do enough good things on earth while we are here, or memorizing Bible verses that will get you on the receiving end of God’s grace. It is instead simply by asking for forgiveness and having a desire to make Him the Lord of your life. 

The Bible says that Christ died for us while we were yet sinners, not when we had tried to clean ourselves up, or committed enough good deeds. His love for us is unconditional. He welcomes us as-is, and that is such a refreshing concept to embrace.  (Romans 5: 8-9)

Accepting and giving forgiveness can be easy or extremely difficult and complicated for us, depending on the unique circumstances of each scenario.  I understand that. I trust that this blog has at least given you something to think about. I know it has given me reminders for sure about this important topic of forgiveness.

As always, I welcome an opportunity to continue this conversation with you if you are interested in learning more about embracing forgiveness in your life. I can be reached at [email protected]. 

Until next time,

Dana 

1 John 1:9 ESV 
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

​Little Lesson Learned: Refusing to forgive ourselves, others or accept God's forgiveness keeps us in chains. You deserve and need your freedom. Please remember that.  

To learn more about God's forgiveness and what He thinks about you click here.

Tags: spirtual guidance, God's forgiveness, 3 keys to the freedom of forgiveness, Christian blog, Christian blogger, life advice, walking in freedom, forgive yourself, forgive others

Author

Dana Romualdi is a Canadian elementary teacher, social worker, blogger, author, motivational speaker and recording artist. She has a passion for helping others and spreading much-needed encouragement. She lives in Canada with her husband and two grown children. When she is not working in the classroom or blogging, she enjoys drinking coffee, watching Netflix and reading great books. 
 
Feel free to reach out to Dana 
at: [email protected] ​.

Copyright: © 2024 littlelessonslearnedbydana 
​(Dana Romualdi) 
Dana Romualdi, the copyright holder reserves all rights to the content on the blog and website Little Lessons Learned by Dana, including the right to reproduce, distribute, and display the content. No content or photographs may be reproduced or modified. Blogs may be shared on social media platforms in their entirety only with full credit given to the owner. Any photographs used by other photographers are used with permission and are also protected. All Rights Reserved.